I woke up at 3:28am last night. I have no idea why. I counted sheep, I prayed, I mapped out my day...I did everything I could but sleep just would not come to me. Of course my mind began to wonder to him, and subconsciously I know why. In my head I asked for clarity, I asked for doors to be closed on certain chapters of my life and for new doors to be opened..I asked for direction and freedom from all the bonds that were restraining me...and finally I slept.
It wasn't a peaceful sleep like I so desired. It was hectic, filled with painful emotions..emotions so strong that I could feel the tears form behind my sleeping eyes. In my dream..or so I say nightmare I was faced with a situation that haunted me for so many years, and as my rim deepened the pain was just as real as it had been while I was awake all those sleepless nights before.
Was my subconscious attempting to give me the answer to my request for clarity, or have I become so paranoid that even the worst of thoughts seem to intrude on my peaceful moments? Surely a sign wouldn't come at such a steep price...surely my nightmare doesn't hold the key to my reality. It was scary. I shed tears even after my alarm went off alerting the start of my day. I mentioned my nightmare and the response I received..my mind was playing tricks on me...I always dwell on the worst of ideas and let issues haunt me. How am I to know that response wasn't merely to add another layer of doubt to my mind? I have many dreamless nights, but why last night? on a night that I beg for sincere answers..why would I have a dream so real..so vivid that I almost didn't want to get out of the bed.
In retrospect, I think I know the cause of my nightmare. When I finally was able to regain my composure the blessings constantly flowed in for the rest of my day. I genuinely believed the devil could sense what God had in store for me today, so he pulled out every stop he could manage to prevent me from starting out my day. I did receive clarity, and it had nothing to do with my nightmare. I received clarification that the Lord is real and he has faith in my abilities to serve the purpose He placed me on this earth to serve. Everything is possible, despite the bad dreams that surround it...I can look past the nightmare and embrace the goodness....bounce back from a rocky start down a path and run victory laps the rest of the way. That nightmare clarified just how awesome He is and how strong I must be to not let any cloudy moment distract me from the task at hand.
I did not let my nightmare ruin my day.
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