back to the real world.

I made it back from Las Vegas, and have been sick since I landed in Houston. Apparently sin city doesn't sit well with my respiratory system. I've spent the last 24hrs attempting to breath out my nose. This week will be extremely busy so I should probably attempt to go to bed early. *gulps down NyQuil*

Being in Las Vegas brought me to a lot of conclusions... Mainly, that I have truly evolved. The me from 10 years ago probably would have loved the idea of roaming around Vegas drunk and in 4inch stilettos, but the current me, isn't really into the wild drunken party scene. I don't like inhaling cigarette smoke, so the casinos were a no-go, although I did win some money at a slot machine in between a conference session, I was trying not to inhale too much second-hand smoke....my alcohol tolerance is also definitely not what it use to be. Two drinks and I'm out....

What I need to do is work on coming out of my shell. I hate networking. I hate rubbing elbows. I hate having meaningless conversations with people I don't really know. Yes, I know. I'm an attorney, and in my industry, social skills can be the missing ingredient to seal the deal on a lot of things. But I really just hate it. Maybe there is some type of class I can take get over this....

In the midst of watching all the "end of the world" coverage on the news while I was away, I got to thinking about what and who I would genuinely miss if I didn't make it back to Houston in enough time to beat "the rapture." Aside from my family, my boyfriend and a small handful of friends..I realized that I have a lot of meaningless relationships I have been holding on to in my life. I really have become suspicious of a lot of people in my supposed inner circle. Maybe I'm on the verge of a season change, and a lot of people are not going to be joining me in this next season of life...or I really just have nothing in common with some of the people I have known for decades. I have some valuable friendships that have grown over the years, but then I am overwhelmed with the nagging sensation that some of the people I have been associating myself with have met expiration dates. I feel like I'm going in a different direction than a lot of people. One of my friends put it best today when I mentioned to him how I have been feeling lately and his response definitely made me feel better about the situation. He said that he was on a personal journey, and that God moves in silence. I kind of feel like I am on that same sort of personal journey. I only need to hear the voice of God right now, and if you are not speaking of Him then in my mind your voice needs to be silenced. Those who remain after the journey is over, will have been genuine connections, those who are not there will just have to be considered casualties. It's funny. I use to think I couldn't survive a day without my ex boyfriend, and now that I have completely removed him from my life, I live effortlessly without him. It's a wonderful feeling. I imagine it will be the same when other people are removed from my life.

Anyway...the summer is upon us, and I hope I can find some fun activities to partake in to get me through the hot and humid days that are better known as Hell..or Houston in the summer. Hopefully a concert or event will come on the scene sooner than later. Unfortunately, my NyQuil is starting to cloud my thoughts, so I will succumb to it's powers and go to bed. Back to the real world in the morning........

viva las vegas

just a few pictures from my trip to Las Vegas...it was beautiful on the strip.....

Headed to Las Vegas!!! Will return shortly..................

pages

Lost in words, the truth overshadowed by suspicion. Looking for clues, yearning to know more..but patience had escaped her. The climax must be near...for if it were not, would her heart be beating so fast, almost escaping from her chest. Searching for answers. Pages turning, language spiraling through her consciousness... Trying to ignore the growing doubt, attempting to find faith in him..and in them. The truth has to be out there somewhere. Continuously waiting, she runs into drama, becomes perplexed in the mystery, disgusted by the failed romance, horrified by a sudden change...an unexpected turn of events. Maybe his love is truly genuine...she questions that thought as another chapter unfolds. Surely all can be right in this world...he could truly love her...until, the end.

Join in on the fun at MagPie Tales........

"Prosperity tries the fortunate: adversity the great.” -Rose Kennedy

Come let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves."
Proverbs 7:18

The eyes of all wait upon thee; and thou givest them their meat in due season. Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing.
(Psalm 145:15,16)

"Books and friends should be few but good."

"Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them.”

May

......has already been good to me thus far.
Yes, I know...I'm slightly behind with welcoming in the new month, but she still has been good to me. Things have been pretty steady at work, but I know I still need to keep my mind on the bigger picture and really evaluate(and pray) on what I want to do career wise. In the meantime, I'm ready to go to Las Vegas next week. I've been googling like crazy to figure out the things and sights I want to see, but I do know I want to see the MGM Grand Casino and hopefully win a few dollars. I also would like to shop a little, and take tons of pictures. I just wish I was going out there with my boyfriend or some of my girlfriends. The last time I took a trip with my co-workers we had sporadic moments of fun, but I'm hoping someone at least wants to be adventurous with me in the midst of attending some of our conference sessions. This is going to be my first trip to Vegas, so suggestions of things to do are definitely welcomed...I will be there in less than a week!!!!

peaceful.

This has probably been one of the most peaceful weekends I have had in a while. I was off work on Friday... so I got the opportunity to sleep in, run some errands and gather some inkling of sanity before my actual weekend began. I spent a lot of time with the people I love the most and actually had the chance to spend some much deserved quality time with myself. In the midst of my busy schedule, I think I had forgotten the importance of down time. It truly is necessary to maintain a healthy existence.
This year is moving along so fast. I guess the saying is true, time really does fly when you are having fun. I'm not sure if all the events of this year could be categorized as merely fun, but I do believe that this year has been a prime example of someone finding peace within themselves and accepting life as more than just an existence, but something that should be cherished and enjoyed. I'm not the same as I was before. I can feel a change coming over me. Part of me is frightened by it, but the other part is welcoming it whole-heartedly. I think the thing that bothers me the most about this change is the people who I will have to leave behind. And I've made peace with that. Some people are only there for a season, and if you keep them around too long they tend to bring with them too many remnants of the past. If someone can't adapt to growth, then I'm not sure if they are suppose to remain a constant in your life. I believe that's just reality. I have a lot of things that I'm looking forward too....constantly praying to the Lord. Faith growing on the daily, trying my hardest to completely remove doubt from my mind..I'm trying to find reasons to always be thankful, and not think everything in life is meant to be negative. Negativity is like cancer. It spreads. Faith in God should be my standing ground..... I guess to make a long story short, I should just let out a sigh of relief...exhale.... In this very moment I am peaceful.

one last thing.....

This is probably the most I have updated in a while, but I have just had so much going on lately, and now I feel all rejuvenated and full of energy (although that probably won't last long due to the fact that I have two large files on my desk I need to work on.)

I'm very confident that this is going to be an awesome month, and two of my friends have me all giddy with anticipation of what is to come. I have a few things planned for May...going to Las Vegas in two weeks for a little business/pleasure, a little bit of celebrating for Memorial Day with the family...but mainly I'm just looking forward to the summer finally arriving. A wise man told me today that "risks are supposed to be taken, it shows faith in GOD," and I look forward to taking a few risks in the near future. I think the boyfriend and I will be planning some impromptu trip this summer, and I anticipate much needed girls' time with the besties. I have a lot of leisure catching up to do. It's funny how things can change so drastically in the blink of an eye. I just hope everyone realizes it before it is too late, that life is only for the moment. You can't stress too much about every situation because you will miss out on the things that matter most. If people in your life are holding you back from truly living, you may want to consider breaking loose from the burden of them. There are too many possibilities in life. So just live.

I'm so.....

Excited.......

ex·cite·ment *noun /ikˈsītmənt/ 
excitements, plural

1.A feeling of great enthusiasm and eagerness
- her cheeks were flushed with excitement
- the excitement of seeing a live leopard

2.Something that arouses such a feeling; an exciting incident
- the excitements of the previous night

One thing that I've noticed about myself is that the smallest of things excite me. I find joy in having things to look forward to. Planning an event leaves me full of anticipation. I know some things in life are meant to be taken slow, savored and cherished...but I think it's the random moments of excitement that give me my motivation to make it to the next day, week and even year. I was always too afraid to take risks, or felt the need to strategically plan out ever facet of my life. But now, I've come to realize it's not always about normalcy. In life, some risks should be taken and some detours along the way are fine. Finding things to be excited about, can make life more meaningful.

........

Thoughts have been running rampant in my mind for some time now, yet I haven't had the energy or the sanity required to memorialize those thoughts into words. I feel that a new season of growth is upon me. I'm changing. Maybe it's the fact that my thirtieth birthday is looming out there in the distance...Yes, I know, I'm jumping the gun towards November..but if you truly know me, then it's not surprising that I'm already overly anticipating an event that is 6 months away. I'm not ashamed of my pretentiousness. I truly enjoy commemorating my existence....but that's a topic for another day.

I'm not the same person I was before. The things that excited me in the past, no longer send shivers up my spine. People I trusted prior to this moment, tend to leave the taste of suspicion on my tongue. I question the advice I once held as solid gold, and now I tend to lean my on my own understanding...oftentimes even the words of my mother. I don't know if I'm growing up, or if I'm just growing more so into myself. But I know what I want, what I can deal with and what I value as my worth. Life is still a puzzle, but my faith has been giving me a better idea of where all the pieces go. I yearn for isolation, but I know I must branch out and explore new things. Speak more with my mouth and less through my expressions. It's been hard. These lessons have not been easy to digest. It just seems like the more this year continues, the more I am learning about myself and the people around me. It's odd. And it probably appears that I'm all over the place right now..but that's just how I feel at the moment.

I'm ready to begin a new era. Limbo bothers me. I know patience is still my arch nemesis...I hate not knowing. I hate not having control. I hate just living....aimlessly. I'm an enigma. But I'm me. I think I need some time away from it all. My self included.

daydreaming......

about white sand beaches and breezes that taste like paradise.........

the aftermath

The worst was supposed to be over. Or at least that's what they told her...as the dirt filled that empty hole in the earth that would now be his final resting place. That hole was so deep, but no where near as deep as the one that was now growing each day in her heart. She clutched tight to the baby. The bastard child. The son who would never know the scent of his father's cologne, or feel the sting of his fathers' belt on his back side the day he decides to speak out of turn. Even with the flag folded nicely on his favorite leather couch, she still feels betrayed. Yes, he wanted to serve his country...and she's proud, but she doesn't think America deserved the blood of her only son, not a one of them was worthy of the tears that she has been holding back...refusing to shed. And now there's talk that the war is over. The smoke has finally cleared, but not in her eyes. She looks around and only sees death and destruction in the distance. The war is now over, but her heart...in the aftermath, knows that it is just now preparing to fight in the ultimate battle. Her heart cries, but she refuses to be defeated.......

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