testimony

It's been awhile since I've taken the time to really express myself on my blog. Two years ago my blog was the only thing that kept me sane. I was going through so much drama, lack of faith and self-hatred, that it's sometimes painful to look back at those times in my life where my confidence was at an extreme low. But then I realized the importance of looking back and instead of hanging my head low I am really convinced that I need to cherish those days for what they were...and use them as inspiration to never let any one situation, person or failure determine the life I live everyday. Failure is relative, and although it can be hard to embrace, every failure or let down in life happens for a reason..and should serve the purpose of making you a stronger person. I'm not perfect, nor do I portray to live a perfect life, but God has let favor rain down on me and I am forever grateful that things are going well in my life right now...

When I failed the bar, I ex-communicated myself from the real world. I deactivated my facebook account, I didn't want anyone to see me, as if the stench of failure emanated around me. I was ashamed to be around my classmates, and felt resentment when I talked to individuals who had passed. On top of feeling like a complete let down to all my family and friends, my relationship(or lack their of a relationship) was in a perpetual state of turmoil. My ex-boyfriend used my weakened state of mind to wreck havoc on my esteem and I allowed negativity between myself and other females he had cheated on me with.. cause me to wake up with a permanent scowl on my face. I had totally lost faith and began to question my existence....did I even matter to this world? What was my purpose? I couldn't find a job in my field because I lacked the main requirement, a law license....and to make matters worse I still have to focus on passing the bar again, or even figure out if law was something I genuinely wanted to do. I don't exactly remember what it was that sparked me out of my funk, but I do know God played a major role in setting that catalyst in motion....

I had to separate myself from the negative thoughts that ruled my thinking....I had to ignore the sweet whisperings of the devil telling me I would never pass the bar and that I wasted 3 years of my life in law school...I had to stop comparing my life to others and resenting those who seemingly were living the life I so desired...and I truly had to look past the illusions and realize that everything isn't always greener on the other side. Those main people I envied were fighting their own internal battles, and despite the fact that they passed an exam on the first time...God was still working miracles in their lives to get them to the point they needed to be as well/

From the bright colors and title of my new blog it's obvious that my mood is a lot cheerier than it was in the past...and I have finally passed the bar and I am currently practicing law. That one failure did not stop me from fulfilling my dreams, doesn't make me any less effective in the courtroom, nor did it me any less of a person. In fact that failure actually makes me appreciate what I have more... With all of that being said I really just wanted to share my testimony with everyone reading and going through any set back in life and let them know that great things can come from catastrophe... Just be patient...remain steadfast in claiming your goals....plan and wait for God....... now I wish I had positive things to say on the relationship front, but I'm still a work in progress...so I'm being patient on that too Lord lol!!!!

Although I have come a long way from the Legally Chocolat I was back in 2008, I still think it is important to look back on those days and laugh at how far I've come and how much farther I have left to go.....

http://trespasstochattels.blogspot.com/2008/11/am-i-coming-or-going.html