floating.....

Effortless fluidity, struggling to keep my head above water...yet, this should be peaceful..no struggle involved. Release your fears he said, but I'm too consumed by paranoia and obsessions. I've been this way for awhile now...tear shedding at the least bit of frustration, never wanting to admit that I am not true perfection. I look to my right and see her, who at this moment appears to own the world...treading through water with no thought or no currents. He tells me to try again, but now I'm paralyzed with fear, I didn't get it right the first time and now I'm choking, gasping for air. You told me I could trust you, but why am I now so out of control...grasping and grasping with nothing to hold onto. I can't do this anymore, I give up...but then my pride won't let me. I want to do this, but I'm so unsure... still so scared. I need reassurance. then, I'll lean back.....float because you tell me too...I'll do it, but more so for you......I yearn to please you. Then I realize, it will only work if I do it for myself.....