life.

Life has a habit of interfering with leisure, and in a sense can happen so fast that you don't even realize the days are passing you by. It's been an entire month since my last entry and October is in full swing. Amazing, but I guess time flies when you're having fun. It's been a blur of romance, accomplishing career goals and realizing things about myself that I failed to acknowledge before. I go to sleep everyday hoping I won't wake up to a harsh reality that the past few months have been some sort of twisted dream, but then I realize that everyday is indeed...happening.

I hate reminiscing on the past, but I guess it is essential to fully comprehend how far I've come. On reflection, this time last year...even the year before that, were some of the darkest days I'd ever experienced. A relationship that has been disastrously dragging on for years was looming over my head, combined with a hopeless outlook on what direction I was trying to take my career in...a lack of faith that made me question my existence, my purpose, and my beliefs...To make a long story short, 2008 and 2009 were not good years for me. I was not happy with myself and that discontentment leaked into every facet of my life....and then I reached my breaking point. At the beginning of this year, I promised myself that I would walk away from my ex-boyfriend and give myself the opportunity to experience happiness. It was hard at first, I thought I loved him so I dealt with the harsh words, lies and other females because I thought it was what I needed to do to somehow make things work. I wasn't in love, no that is not the reason I continuously stayed, my mind had just been programmed that I should stay. There was a competition to be won, and I would not let another woman take what I thought I deserved since I put up with so much shit for so long. I was wrong. I remember as if it were yesterday the words he said to me that really let me know it was time....he screamed almost cursed at me that there was nothing I could do to make him want to be with me, and that he wanted me to be with someone else. I can't thank God enough for finally taking his advice....

I met plenty of guys during my quest to find something new, but none of them struck a cord with me, until I met him. It's like we clicked instantly. The conversations, the glances, the sound of his voice was enough to make me forget my name. I took a chance and it worked. The break away from my ex was difficult...he called me thousands of times in a row, showed up at my house, emailed, messaged me on facebook...psychotically insisting that he was wrong and that he didn't want me to be with anyone but him. I wanted to believe him, his persistence seemed convincing, but deep down I knew I'd be a fool to give up a new opportunity to go back to an old situation that was liable to explode right before my eyes. I told him no, and instantly received the verbal assault I'd come to know so well during the tenure of our relationship...he has someone, he doesn't want me.... and to that I said thanks.
Since then things have progressed with my new opportunity and we are now in a relationship.... I never in a million years thought it was possible for a man to love me and genuinely mean it. It's a blessing to know that I have someone in my corner who doesn't want to cheat on me or disrespect me, compare me to other women and pretty much do everything in their power to break me down. He actually wants me to do good, encourages me to do better and makes me feel secure in knowing that he has my back regardless. Truly a blessing.

It seems like the minute the negative influence left my life, a stream of positivity flowed in. I started a new job, with a career path that will definitely lead me towards great things. Since September, I've grown so much as an attorney and been given the chance to make a major difference in my community. I'll be travelling to Washington DC soon, then to Boston and finally to an undisclosed location to celebrate my birthday, rather our birthdays(he's a Scorpio too) in style. I am truly excited about life and the direction it is taking me in.

The Lord has been so good to me. Its still hard to grasp the favor that has been bestowed upon me, but I am convinced that I have a testimony and no matter how bad things seem to get for you I know the Lord will let you see the light at the end of the tunnel. I went from having failed the bar, literally hating myself, trapped in an emotionally abusive and unstable relationship, uncertain about every aspect of my life...to a complete blessing. I am convinced that life is truly a blessing...patience and persistence are key, but everybody has to suffer through tribulation at some point so they can truly be thankful for everything that has been given to them. I am so thankful that my ex-boyfriend finally set me free, and let me live my life and find happiness. I never realized what a burden one relationship can be on every aspect of your existence, but Lord once you remove that burden, my life finally began....and for that I am truly grateful.

I may not have as much free time to blog, but best believe I am truly happy.