........

Thoughts have been running rampant in my mind for some time now, yet I haven't had the energy or the sanity required to memorialize those thoughts into words. I feel that a new season of growth is upon me. I'm changing. Maybe it's the fact that my thirtieth birthday is looming out there in the distance...Yes, I know, I'm jumping the gun towards November..but if you truly know me, then it's not surprising that I'm already overly anticipating an event that is 6 months away. I'm not ashamed of my pretentiousness. I truly enjoy commemorating my existence....but that's a topic for another day.

I'm not the same person I was before. The things that excited me in the past, no longer send shivers up my spine. People I trusted prior to this moment, tend to leave the taste of suspicion on my tongue. I question the advice I once held as solid gold, and now I tend to lean my on my own understanding...oftentimes even the words of my mother. I don't know if I'm growing up, or if I'm just growing more so into myself. But I know what I want, what I can deal with and what I value as my worth. Life is still a puzzle, but my faith has been giving me a better idea of where all the pieces go. I yearn for isolation, but I know I must branch out and explore new things. Speak more with my mouth and less through my expressions. It's been hard. These lessons have not been easy to digest. It just seems like the more this year continues, the more I am learning about myself and the people around me. It's odd. And it probably appears that I'm all over the place right now..but that's just how I feel at the moment.

I'm ready to begin a new era. Limbo bothers me. I know patience is still my arch nemesis...I hate not knowing. I hate not having control. I hate just living....aimlessly. I'm an enigma. But I'm me. I think I need some time away from it all. My self included.