Tuesday, December 14, 2010
forgiveness....
I blame myself for staying in an unhealthy relationship for so many years. I clung to my ex-boyfriend for security, comfort and convenience...despite the fact that he was destroying my self-esteem and my spirit. I put nothing before him and that almost jeopardized my health, my mind and my livelihood. I thought I was weak and that I could not find anyone suiting if I walked away from him. I did everything in my power to keep other women away from him, created enemies and lost friends because I ignored reality and instead pretended like I deserved him and all that he was worth. I regret all the missed opportunities and tears. I hated myself for sticking around year after year, as the same hurtful patterns continued...I hate myself now because I still let wounds created by him haunt me in my current relationship. I really just need to stop blaming myself for enduring such torture. I'm not all the things he said I was, I'm worthy enough not to be treated like someones step stool...I deserve to be happy and I am a good enough person to make someone else truly happy. I should not blame myself for being with him for so long, I just need to make my peace and move on.....
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You have to forgive yourself girl! We all make mistakes. We all stay in relationships for longer than we should. I recently have been going through something that I feel is a result of staying in a place for longer than I should and for a while I woke up everyday with so much regret. To this day, I still feel that part of it is my fault and that I would be in a different place had I done different. At the end of the day... what is done is done and so we must just move on. If anything, I am learning to just let the things that cause me so much pain make me into a better person. You are a beautiful person girl and have accomplished so much with God's help. He would not have given you someone like who you are with if he did not feel that he could handle you. It may take time, but forgive yourself, embrace yourself, and move on to better and greener pastures! xoxo! :o)
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